Why men are happier than women

As a man:

You can keep your last name and you don’t need to hyphenate it.

The world is your urinal.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves. All you have to do is show up and parrot the words.

You don’t absolutely need to have an exclusive, expensive wedding dress you’ll only wear once.

You can be President.

Wrinkles “add character”, you become “more distinguished” with age.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park without getting angry looks from the other gender. You can even wear NO shirt to a water park, and nobody will care.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough to last you two years.

You decide whether you want a mustache or not.

People don’t stare at your chest when you’re talking to them (unless you have man-boobs).

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes or stains on the floor.

You can play with toys all your life.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes. Problem is, you only start shopping on the way to the Christmas party.